4 Ways to Refresh Your Relationship
This fall, my husband Brian and I found ourselves at loose ends. Two children had launched to college and beyond, and the third landed a restaurant job that kept her working most evenings. Suddenly, our nest felt empty. Every night could be date night, potentially. Scary!
Over a long relationship, you fall into patterns. One person habitually initiates plans for an outing or intimacy. You know each other’s preferences and have “your places” for dinner or coffee. The wheels of your shared vehicle through life have carved deep grooves—making it easier to simply follow the track they set.
Similarly, when you’ve known each other for decades, you can predict what will set off the other person. It’s easy to pick a fight but, somehow, harder to avoid one.
A simple way to retread your relationship is looking for opportunities to create rituals around the times during the day and week that the two of you come together. When you reunite after work or daily errands, consider sitting with a cup of tea (or glass of wine) and talking without distraction for 10 minutes before you jump into dinner preparation. Look for chances to start a new routine—bonus points if they engage your five senses. Maybe you visit the bagel shop together every Saturday morning, carpool to a martial arts class, or walk through your neighborhood at dusk.
In a longstanding relationship, we may know what we mean to the other person—but it still helps to say it. I recently went to dinner with a friend who was going through a rough time at work. We relaxed and chatted over wine and steaks, and as we said goodbye, she thanked me for my years of friendship and said she always appreciated my positive and can-do spirit. Even though my goal was to cheer her up, I ended up being the one who felt cherished.
