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You may not like the tone of this dating behaviour. It’s being called “dial-toning,” and it’s when people give you their contact info only to then ignore you or, in some way, avoid you when you actually reach out to them.

What Is Dial-Toning?

This behavior could range from radio silence—or maybe the more up-to-date term is blue-tick silence—to very vague responses when you follow up with a text or a call. The contact info that you were given could have been their real contact info or perhaps a fake one, such as the number for the local pest control service. Either way, it soon becomes quite clear that they have no real interest in pursuing anything further. This can be quite disappointing, since you might have thought that they offered their contact info so that you could, you know, contact them.

It’s not quite ghosting because you haven’t even been given the chance to be ghosted. Ghosting requires some kind of connection to have been established already. It’s also not when people give you their contact info and then later change their minds or get too busy to respond to you. With dial toning, their interest in connecting with you was never, ever more than zero.

The nickname “dial toning” comes from how most phones and calling used to work. You’d have to listen for a humming dial tone before entering a phone number to call. This dial tone would also play once someone hung up on you. So a dial tone essentially allows you to call but doesn’t guarantee anyone will answer on the other side.

Dial-Toning Is Common in Dating

Anyone who thinks that dial-toning doesn’t happen in the dating world may be a little tone deaf, so to speak. In fact, dial-toning may ring quite a familiar tone for many. In a Hint App survey of 5,847 adults across the United States, United Kingdom, Canada, the European Union, Latin America, and Australia who have dated over the past 12 months, 46 percent of respondents admitted to having given someone their contact details despite already knowing they were unlikely to pursue the potential connection. You could also say that many were quite dialed in to do this, as 63 percent of survey respondents who were dial toners had acknowledged doing so deliberately.

Why Do People Dial-Tone?

So, why would people even bother offering you their contact info when they have absolutely no interest in connecting in any way? Well, among the survey respondents who had done the dial-toning thing, 57 percent indicated that rejecting someone from afar is easier than rejecting someone face-to-face. In other words, this can be a way of damping down their rejection of you—saving it until the two of you are far apart.

This could mean that the person dial-toning you is simply conflict-avoidant or even people-pleasing. Alternatively, that person could have had bad past experiences when rejecting people. It might have been encountering someone with The Lord of the Rings’ Gollum-like persistence, such as someone insisting, “I’m not going to leave until I get your number,” or “I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”

Or maybe it was someone demonstrating The Vampire Diaries’ Damon Salvatore-like anger when getting rejected in person. The survey did reveal that 41 percent of those using dial-toning did so because they worried that direct rejection could result in the situation becoming uncomfortable or confrontational.

Then there are people who give out their numbers simply for the ego boost and the “I’ve-still-got-it” validation. They may like the fact that you are asking them for their contact info but not like you per se. For example, a couple I knew used to go to parties and then compete with each other to see who could get hit on more. This couple, by the way, is no longer together.

What to Do About Dial-Toning

If you are planning to dial-tone others, consider this: 52 percent of the survey respondents indicated that they preferred direct rejection over being given contact info and then ignored later. Directly communicating your lack of interest can save everyone time, effort, and guesswork and, in the long run, be the easier route to go. And just because you’ve encountered some Cersei Lannisters or Severus Snapes who’ve taken rejection poorly in the past doesn’t mean that everyone will be like that.

If you do get dial-toned yourself, keep things in proper perspective. It may be tough to get your hopes up and then have them later deflate slowly like a twice-baked soufflé. Nevertheless, it’s always better to know sooner than later what someone is really like and what that person really thinks of you. So, at least that person didn’t give you the chance to be ghosted, right?

Ultimately, dating is about looking for the right mutual fit. And a dial-toner has told you that the two of you don’t resonate with each other—albeit indirectly and maybe a bit early.